It is a gripping pain i cannot put into words. Mental over physical, i have since lost who i used to be. Everything just seems to be brushing past me, or deflected away like a repelling magnet. While everyone are in search of the light of life, it seems that the surge and ambition i once had has then vaporize to just air. So insignificant, but omnipresent, haunting me to get it back. Where was the hunger and craving i once had, the greed, the selfishness i once had. While the people i once shared my innocence have then all walk away and found their path,i find myself stagnant at the same spot, feeling self-pity. The drive and motivation i once shared back then, was of so much encouragement and joy, now it is just like painful towing and resent. Many promises made are broken, taste of insurmountable regret. Many a times, we hear but we do not listen the actual need, we do senseless stuff, or trying so hard to be someone else to fit in. Hypocrites. Losing something to feel the pain, realising its need to notice its presence, missing you to realise how much i belittle you in the past. I need you, all of you, do you hear me?

I am sad, i want to cry, i want to be someone i can say i am me. I want my friends back, i want the happiness i once shared with the people. I want how i was like in the past. I want to laugh out loud, cry out loud, own myself. Tell you my darkest secrets, tell you my silent crush, tell you how my day was, tell you everything, because you were just so near. Whether i use to dislike you, hate you, i want you back-now. I need you.

Sometimes, things are just taken for granted because they are within reach. Once, you realise that joy needs an effort to reach, that is the pain. Unbearable pain. The pain of lost.

Absence do makes the heart fonder/ache and finally feel the worth of it all. Feel the need.